How to get back on the dating scene

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Anyone who has had their heart-broken, and let’s face it, most of us have, knows that getting back on the dating scene can be tough. Your confidence may have been shattered, you may not feel like trusting anyone again and seeing your ex on Facebook with someone new might send you crashing back under your duvet not wanting to face the world ever again.

The thing is, time really is a healer and at some point you will start to feel better and will want to get out again and even meet someone new.

The temptation for many people is to get carried away and jump into a full-on relationship with the first person you meet. We aren’t saying this never works and love at first sight doesn’t happen, but if you don’t know someone very well, then getting into an intense relationship too early could spell disaster in the long-term.

We have put together some top tips you may want to consider before going out there and dating someone new.

Don’t compare them to people from your past
When you first meet someone new, it is hard not to compare them with your ex, but you need to. For any new relationship to stand a chance of going somewhere, it is best to start with a blank canvas that doesn’t have the cloud of your past experiences overshadowing the possibilities of something new. Just because your last partner was a cheat, it doesn’t mean that everyone else will have a roving eye or everyone will lie to you. You may still hold a candle for someone you thought was ‘the one’, but they weren’t and if you compare everyone to them, you could be heading for a table for one.

Put the deal-breakers on the table
You don’t want to scare someone off but sounding out deal-breakers such as marriage, kids and location is something you may want to do early on, but not in the first five minutes. If you really want to have children in the future and your date is totally against it, they aren’t going to be the one for you. If you are happy living in London and their long-term plan is to sit in the sun in Sydney, you might want to consider what life with them would be really like and if you are willing to give up your dreams so they can make theirs come true. We aren’t saying only go on one date, but if you aren’t willing to compromise, and they aren’t either, this won’t work out, so have fun, but don’t get in too deep!

Are you on the same page?
If red flags are flying, there is usually a reason for this and we would suggest that you follow your gut instincts. Maybe they’ve never had a serious relationships, it could be that they have been married four times already or maybe they are addicted to dating apps. We all have a past, but you will soon get an idea of what someone is like and whether they are on the same level as you when it comes to emotional maturity and stability.

Find common ground
They say that opposites attract, but if your date lives and breathes football, and you hate it, how will you feel when it takes up every weekend and three evenings a week? If you are a vegan and they love a burger for dinner, how does that sit with you? You love being outside and they are a keen gamer – will that be a winner for you? No one is perfect, but you do need to be with someone who shares some of your interests and values or it could be a lonely love affair.

Take it slow
Many relationship grow organically over time, alongside trust, so don’t be in a rush. If you are feeling that they are too clingy, absent or let you down time and again, address that sooner rather than later, and if you think this could be it, just take your time and see where things are going.

You deserve to be happy, so enjoy dating, find someone you really click with and trust, and once you take off the rose-tinted glasses from the past you may well find the perfect partner for your future.

Team Pure Beauty

Easy way to meditate

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There is no getting away from the fact that modern day living is stressful, and seems to be getting more so.

Whether you’re commuting on a packed train into the city, constantly trying to meet deadlines at work, or bringing up small children, pressures can mount up and getting time to unwind can be tricky.

However, relaxing is key if you want to get the balance right and whilst we all do that differently, something we can all incorporate in our lives is meditation.

The word meditation, comes from two Latin words: meditari (to think, to dwell upon, to exercise the mind) and mederi (to heal).

Meditation is a mind-body practice that can help improve anxiety and reduce symptoms of stress, leaving you feeling calmer and more in control. It isn’t just about focusing your mind but also looking at what’s going on inside you, so you can really start to understand yourself and the triggers that make you anxious.

There are various types of meditation with many coming from ancient religious and spiritual traditions but the two most common forms are mindfulness and transcendental meditation.

Mindfulness meditation is about focusing on your breathing and transcendental meditation involves repeating a mantra.

To feel the benefits of meditation you can start with as little as five minutes a day and build from there.

You can attend a group or class, which can be helpful when you are getting started, but we have some tips to get you started on your own.

Do it anywhere. Sitting, standing, lying down, on the train, or walking but the key is to be comfortable and focused. Find a chair you really like, sit on the floor with cushions, lie on the grass in the park – the choice is yours but make it work for you.

When you meditate, go distraction free. Turn off all devices, leave your phone in another room and try to make your space as tranquil as possible.

Be open-minded. Meditation works best when you have an open attitude as this makes it easier for thoughts and feelings to flow and for you to relax.

Breath. Once you are comfortable and ready, start to feel your breath as it comes into your body, through your nose and into your lungs. Count one on your first breath and two as you breathe out. Repeat to 10 and start again.

Scan you body. As you progress and are following your breath, start to focus your attention on your body, one part at a time. Start at the top of your head, down to your nose and chin. Feel the breath in your chest, your stomach and your legs. Move to your ankles, toes and finish with the soles of your feet. How do those feel?

Don’t worry you’re doing it wrong. There’s no perfect way to meditate, just do it and be happy you’re doing it.

Smile. Sounds funny we know, but when you’re finished, smile. Be grateful you had this time to yourself and you took time out for you.

Meditation isn’t always easy and it takes time and commitment, but the benefits can be amazing, so why not start today?