How to get back on the dating scene

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Anyone who has had their heart-broken, and let’s face it, most of us have, knows that getting back on the dating scene can be tough. Your confidence may have been shattered, you may not feel like trusting anyone again and seeing your ex on Facebook with someone new might send you crashing back under your duvet not wanting to face the world ever again.

The thing is, time really is a healer and at some point you will start to feel better and will want to get out again and even meet someone new.

The temptation for many people is to get carried away and jump into a full-on relationship with the first person you meet. We aren’t saying this never works and love at first sight doesn’t happen, but if you don’t know someone very well, then getting into an intense relationship too early could spell disaster in the long-term.

We have put together some top tips you may want to consider before going out there and dating someone new.

Don’t compare them to people from your past
When you first meet someone new, it is hard not to compare them with your ex, but you need to. For any new relationship to stand a chance of going somewhere, it is best to start with a blank canvas that doesn’t have the cloud of your past experiences overshadowing the possibilities of something new. Just because your last partner was a cheat, it doesn’t mean that everyone else will have a roving eye or everyone will lie to you. You may still hold a candle for someone you thought was ‘the one’, but they weren’t and if you compare everyone to them, you could be heading for a table for one.

Put the deal-breakers on the table
You don’t want to scare someone off but sounding out deal-breakers such as marriage, kids and location is something you may want to do early on, but not in the first five minutes. If you really want to have children in the future and your date is totally against it, they aren’t going to be the one for you. If you are happy living in London and their long-term plan is to sit in the sun in Sydney, you might want to consider what life with them would be really like and if you are willing to give up your dreams so they can make theirs come true. We aren’t saying only go on one date, but if you aren’t willing to compromise, and they aren’t either, this won’t work out, so have fun, but don’t get in too deep!

Are you on the same page?
If red flags are flying, there is usually a reason for this and we would suggest that you follow your gut instincts. Maybe they’ve never had a serious relationships, it could be that they have been married four times already or maybe they are addicted to dating apps. We all have a past, but you will soon get an idea of what someone is like and whether they are on the same level as you when it comes to emotional maturity and stability.

Find common ground
They say that opposites attract, but if your date lives and breathes football, and you hate it, how will you feel when it takes up every weekend and three evenings a week? If you are a vegan and they love a burger for dinner, how does that sit with you? You love being outside and they are a keen gamer – will that be a winner for you? No one is perfect, but you do need to be with someone who shares some of your interests and values or it could be a lonely love affair.

Take it slow
Many relationship grow organically over time, alongside trust, so don’t be in a rush. If you are feeling that they are too clingy, absent or let you down time and again, address that sooner rather than later, and if you think this could be it, just take your time and see where things are going.

You deserve to be happy, so enjoy dating, find someone you really click with and trust, and once you take off the rose-tinted glasses from the past you may well find the perfect partner for your future.

Team Pure Beauty

How to deal with a break up

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If you received a broken heart for Christmas, we really feel your pain because we know only too well that dealing with a break up can be really tough.

Whether you are feeling sad, angry, betrayed or confused, don’t worry, these are all natural responses when a relationship ends, and while we know there is no quick fix, we do have some ideas to help you get back on track again.

Press delete
Social media makes it possible to hold onto your ex for longer than you may have done in the past, so we suggest you delete them for once and for all. Yes, you might want to see what they are up to, but the more you check Facebook and Instagram, the harder it is going to be to let go, so delete them right now. Blocking might feel harsh, but it has to be better than agonising who that girl is in the photo and if you are still feeling upset several months down the line and they change their relationship status, you don’t want to know. So go on, do it now and ask other people not to tell you what is happening with you ex too!

Cry
Everybody hurts sometimes, so after a break up spend some time alone and have a good cry, get those feelings out there and yes, feel sorry for yourself, it’s allowed.

Give it time
Whether you were the one to make the break, or the one who was dumped, you need time to get over the end of a relationship. You have been on holiday together, maybe shared a home, have the same friends and then there’s ‘your song’ and none of those things are going to be erased in a few days. Time is a healer, so give yourself that space and over the coming weeks and months, things will get easier and you will start to see the sunshine again.

Talk about it
Yes, you will want to be alone to heal your pain, but you don’t want to become a recluse. Spending time talking to the friends and family you love and who make you smile, is so important and will help you feel connected and supported. Whether you talk about your break up, the reasons why or what to do next, chatting with people you trust not only gives you another point of view, but it can be a distraction from your thoughts which can be a huge help. Try not to bottle things up as that can make things worse and if you get to the point when you just can’t see the wood for the trees, maybe speak to your GP.

Get moving
Yes, watch those sad films and get into bed with your hot water bottle and onesie, but it is also important to get up and move about. Having those feel good endorphins pumping around your body can be a great way to heal and help you to move forward. Going for a run, taking a dance class or jumping on your bike can all help deal with your stress levels, boost your mood and you will be distracted from your heartache.

Treat yourself
After a breakup you might not want to do anything nice for yourself but it is one way to reboot, and you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else again. Now is the time to treat yourself to something that will make you feel good, and whether it is a facial, coffee with friends or a trip to the cinema, doing this is key to healing and will help you to smile again. Remember – you’re worth it!

Do it in your own time
While we have given you some ideas of how to feel better, there is no timescale for this. You are human and will deal with your emotions in your own time and own way. Mending a broken heart is a marathon, not a sprint, so don’t compare yourself to anyone else, go at your own pace and as you are kinder to yourself, you will start to feel happy again.

Team Pure Beauty

Pack a thriller in your suitcase

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As well as your bikini, toothbrush, and sunglasses, if you are heading away on holiday this summer, be sure to pack a poolside thriller in your bag.

Offering something a little edgier than chic lit, psychological thrillers have seen a rise in popularity in the past couple of years and there is no end of choice when it comes to great reads.

The Perfect Friend by Barbara Copperthwaite is a truly dark story about the turn Alex’s life takes when her husband leaves her and her children won’t talk to her. All she can do is to turn to her best friend, Carrie, who knows all her secrets and is the only person she can truly trust. Carrie would she’d never let her down, or would she???

Following her divorce, Ali goes out on a date with a new man on Saturday night, but on Sunday morning, she wakes up alone with no memory of what happened to her. And when she looks in the mirror, she doesn’t recognise the face staring back at her. If you loved The Girl on the Train, then The Date by Louise Jensen is for you, and if you haven’t read The Girl on the Train – where have you been?

For a ‘one session read’, it has to be The Dead Ex by Jane Corry. A terrifying attack leaves Vicki suffering from epilepsy and without a husband after he runs away with his mistress. When a call comes to say he’s missing, she starts to believe in karma, but when evidence suggests he is dead, things get real and she needs to prove her innocence.

The Girl Before by JP Delaney is a tense tale full of page-turning twists and turns. When Jane moves into One Folgate Street, she falls in love with her beautiful minimal new, despite the bizarre rules it comes with. As the landlord, and the house, become increasingly strange, Jane becomes curious about Emma, the girl who lived there before her and starts to fear for her safety in her gripping quest to find the truth. Tip, don’t read this if you are home alone, but definitely, do read this.

Secrets in families are never a good idea and that is what is at the heart of Don’t Close Your Eyes by Holly Seddon. Twin sisters Robin and Sarah were separated at a young age and now, in their 30s, one is agoraphobic and lives alone, while the other seemingly has the perfect family and perfect life. When Sarah is accused of something terrible, she needs to track down her twin sister to put together the pieces. A gripping story that will keep you on the edge of your seat right to the very last word.

Back to the husband and wife scenario, and in What Alice Knew, debut author T. A. Cotterell, takes you on a journey of complex web of lies that will have you turning the pages in fear. From the outside, Alice has everything, that is until her husband goes missing one night. After receiving a sinister call, she faces making a tough choice that has her questioning right and wrong and wondering just how far she can go to protect those she loves.

While Then She Was Gone, by best-selling author, Lisa Jewell, isn’t new on the shelves, it is oh so worth a read. Laurel is trying to piece her life back together, 10 years after her daughter, Ellie, disappeared and seven years since her marriage fell apart. When she meets a charming man in a café, their flirtation develops into something deep, fast. Before she knows it, she’s meeting his daughters, and all those unanswered questions that have haunted her about her own child come flooding back.

Pop along to your local bookshop and buy your books before you go away and let us know what you think.

Team Pure Beauty

Give up stress for Lent

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We know that during Lent you are meant to give up chocolate, wine or something you really love but given how bad stress is for us, why not try to live without it for a few weeks and see how you get on?

It is little surprise that more and more people are dealing with anxiety and stress related issues given the pressure of modern-day living. Celebrity culture, an obsession with selfies and social media on tap 24/7, life is one long hamster wheel and sometimes you need to jump off and see what really matters.

Rather than light up another cigarette or down one more vodka and orange, why not have a look at some alternative ways to deal with stress and see if you can combat it for once and for all.

Move
Exercise isn’t a magic wand that will make your stress disappear, but it can help reduce the intense emotions you might be feeling. A run, brisk walk or bike ride can help you clear your thoughts and find a way to deal with problems in a different, maybe more rational way.

Find a friend
Yes, there are people at work, people on Facebook and mums at the school gates, but us can still feel lonely and this is where real friends, you can trust, come into play. It won’t happen overnight, but try to create a support network of people, you enjoy being with and you will find that as much as they will help you find solutions to problems, you can do the same for them and that’s a pretty good feeling.

Me time
We are often made to feel as if taking time for ourselves is lazy and indulgent but this couldn’t be further from the truth. To be able to fire on all cylinders, it is important to take time out for socialising, relaxing and exercise, time that is just for you. A couple of hours a week doing something you really love, either alone or with friends, can really help you shrug off that dark cloud that has been following you around.

Get a pet
Never underestimate the love of a dog, cat or even hamster. A pet not only gives you a new interest but also a little bit of company, a lot of love and if you do get a dog, you have to take them outside for a walk each day which is good for both of you.

Be a volunteer
It is easy to get caught up in our own problems, so helping others can be a good way to put things into perspective. Visiting an elderly person, donating time at a local hospice or sorting out donations at a food bank are all ways you can give back and you never know, you could make friends and even find a new career in the process.

Go outside
Sitting indoors watching TV, working at a computer screen and drinking in the pub are all pretty sedentary activities where you rarely see the light of day and probably all make you feel worse. A walk, even when it is cold and damp, by the river or a dash around town will not only give you a change of scene but also put fresh air in your lungs and give you a break from the norm. Joining a tennis club, training for a fun run or just getting off the bus a stop early, can be enough to get you, and your mind, out of a stressed rut.

Of course, if you are really struggling talk to a trusted friend or your GP but don’t suffer in silence.

Team Pure Beauty